Medication

So after my pessimism last time, then I got to go pick up my script I was able to get it filled at the pharmacy immediately, no "I'm sorry we have to order that in we don't keep it in stock" from them for a change.. The pharmacy lady is also really nice, and keeps my script there for me (even though it's not a legal requirement in this state) and fills the script on the spot no wait. What tapes most places so long? Get the box, put the sticker on it. Seriously how can that take 15 minutes? She also writes the date of the box when the timer resets and I can pick up another script. Not that that'd much of a problem, I have been picking them up late because I have not been taking enough medication.
I saw the Dr today and I had to admit I have not been taking the medication like I am supposed to be. I also said, "I honestly can't tell you why I haven't been doing it." He said a lot of people have concerns about not 'being themselves' and what-not, and also becoming accustomed to the medication and needing to take more and more, which isn't actually a thing. I don't think either or those are my problem. I think it's 50% the feeling that I don't want to have to take mediation every day, and I want to just get into the habit of living a productive life by myself (which may never happen) and part the feeling that I need to hoard the medication, so if I don't need it 100% I'd rather save it than waste it. This is probably caused by the times I have moved and had to wait months to see a new doctor and run out, and also the times I forgot to pick up scripts, and they expired and I run out, and then when I really needed it I wasn't able to get any.
I find myself thinking a lot, will I need it for what I have to do this afternoon?
I'm not supposed to do that though, I'm supposed to take the same amount every day no matter what. And I don't even know if that's the best way or not, because I haven't been doing it.
So from now on, I will.
It's a bit weird, fitting in after work exercise. I don't like to do cardio before it has worn off, it makes my heart pound. This Dr didn't seem to think that'd be a problem, but the last one did. So I'm going with my instinct. But I should take another one after gym/run. And to be honest, while I am doing well at work my home is going to shit, I never have any clean clothes, i don't get anything done of an evening.
I also think I should take it earlier, like when I first wake up. I might get out of the house in a more timely fashion, instead of walking around in circles for 15 minutes not being sure what I am looking for.
I asked to switch to the long acting. I sometimes get swept along to meetings and don't get out for two hours and my medication wears off. Plus I sit in that awful spot in the office where everyone can see what you are doing when they walk past. It's weird rummaging through my bag for pills all the time. It costs more because it's not on the PBS list, but well, it'll be better. I just paid $280 to see the Dr so whatever, in debt forever I guess. I don't even want to talk about my money problems!